Doorknob Decision

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What is this sensation that is gripping my body?

This gray cloud clouding my mind

Why is this haze surrounding my heart?

Who am I meant to be and where am I meant to go?

 

Once I was a child, I spake as a child and walked as a child

Now I am a man…?

Must I put away childish things?

Must I now walk and talk as a man?

 

What is this fear, this beast gripping my psyche?

Why does it tear at my courage and poison my confidence?

I am afraid of who I will be or who I am not?

Am I the question or the answer? Or neither?

 

Blue black memories dance in the illusion of my past

My future half forgotten, it promises silent whispers

Of potential that stroke my ego and quicken my heart beat

And I long to reach that golden apex but I am held

My legs straining against chains of lies and half truths

As the fear of my potential worms into my bones

Turns my body into a bag of dross, unwanted

But still the light of my soul shines through

And I am burning with my desire to be free and be me

But yet even as I reach for my future and grasp the knob

The ghosts of my failures haunt me and taunt me

Demanding to know my name and I cannot answer

So I stand, hand on the door handle to the road I must walk

And I face the tempters and whispers and answer

My voice a parody of the resonant power I had envisioned

I told them, my voice broken and quavering but resolute

“My name I do not know, nor is my purpose known.

No longer will I tremble as does a motherless child in fear.”

I paused, swallowed and continued my voice strong and smooth

“I will walk my road and I will climb my mountains

Suffer whatever I must to meet my maker

I will find myself and then you will know my name”

The last a booming roar of power, and I grasped the knob

And tore the door open and stepped onto the road

The last ghostly chain links breaking and fading

I am who I am and I will be who I will be

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