Once upon a time, I dreamed of death
and to wake was a nightmare to endure.
In my mind death seemed to whisper peace,
in life my mountains seemed insurmountable.
The demons in my mind whispered endlessly
and the moles built massive creations.
Though I forgave myself the urge to end it all
and tunneled through the mountains,
I have always had a love affair with death
in the same way one would view a gateway.
Until today, when I hugged a grieving mother.
Death is no glorious release or peaceful slumber.
It is a ravenous beast, and a thief and robber.
I look back to my flirtations and am ashamed.
To think that the ache of not being understood
or the loneliness of a broken heart equal
to the sacrifice that death requires as toll.
A mother’s tear, more painful that heartbreak
and her loss an immeasurable loneliness
that no lonely moment could hope to match.
Her face held firm in an attempt to be strong
only confirming the gaping hole in her heart.
Today death became a reality, for me.
For anyone else flirting with death
think of your loved ones before you dive.