I was born in iniquity, and raised on lies
I consumed deception by the gallons and immersed myself
How shattered must I be
that I can no longer tell reality from lies
or conjured fantasies from happened mundanity
So shattered that even the hidden pain I veil
in words and poems and downcast glances
is but a shadow of the mirror of the true pain
of the true falsehood that allows me to conjure up memories
that never were and paint them brighter and realer
Words that allow me to slip on a mask and become
more than average but in the process lose that average
but yet even as I stumble search and seek
hoping to grasp some morsel of wisdom through introspection
even then when I am alone and my heart is laid bare
even then when I am entwined and my heart is stripped
Even then,
the truth dribbles out in increments
flooded out by the gallons of deceit that spews
endlessly and relentlessly from my mouth
from my carriage from my very existance
Each small drop of truth a unique snowflake soon consumed
by the sandstorm of life and I am left blind
scrabbling for truth and trading for pennies
searching for the secret place I stashed them
but even as I watch the place I placed them is gone
leaving behind naught but dust and doubt
Each step a lie is drawn on the sand in footprints
with waves of reality following erasing the marks left
but yet somehow I am always a step a head
Searching for a place, a person, a thing
something so much more than me that I can release myself
and be torn apart and rebuilt from the core out
each memory construction reduction reduced
and re construed to match what truly lies within me.